Why You Never Feel Good Enough (Even When You’re Doing Well)

00:00:00: What did I think would finally make me feel like?

00:00:02: I was enough.

00:00:04: And what actually changed that?

00:00:06: welcome to drop the mass podcast.

00:00:08: and yeah, today i want to talk a little bit about how To Feel Like Enough And What Ways To Feel like Enough.

00:00:18: And I'm thinking back in my own life In My Twenty Specifically That A Lot Of The Actions It Took Came From Not Feeling Like I Am Enough.

00:00:30: It was probably also due to school, through society where it's told you have to be like XYZ.

00:00:38: You have to achieve this thing... The typical big three I guess as house wife or family and some kind of status?

00:00:50: I wasn't working very much because a quit school early on in my twenties just catching up but did an apprenticeship at my studies And looking back afterwards, especially after my studies.

00:01:02: I didn't want to work somewhere because like just as an employee but wanted you do my own thing?

00:01:08: Because it felt like a...I'm just an average person when i am an employee!

00:01:13: I can be on average person and have to be someone

00:01:15: special.".

00:01:17: That points very strongly now looking towards the feeling of oh..you're not enough But I did see at that time.

00:01:25: was this feeling There should be more.

00:01:30: And it manifested in different ways when I was living in Berlin a few years back with a friend of mine and we were working on each one our businesses, starting a podcast production business... ...and always feeling like they're not there yet!

00:01:47: I wanted to scale to about ten K per month.

00:01:50: at first that's the big goal.

00:01:53: It didn't matter which.

00:01:56: all the little successes in the meantime didn't matters Because I didn't celebrate them because i wasn't there yet.

00:02:03: I was at the tenk, but then looking back and knowing like from reading books and listening to podcasts is for people who are further telling me oh wait as soon As you reach the goal than The goal line moves it's never going To be enough right?

00:02:18: It's an overall mindset And that made Me think and observe a little bit more of my feelings towards.

00:02:27: When do I feel satisfied?

00:02:29: What is my notion of how to think about these

00:02:34: things?".

00:02:35: And when we think about the process, a big goal.

00:02:43: For example going into the gym.

00:02:45: it's a year-long transition or transformation if you really commit and want to look super ripped.

00:02:52: It's a very big project, it is building and business.

00:02:55: All these kind of projects on social media.

00:03:00: we find the dopamine that this was before or after then like oh my god I want to have those too.

00:03:08: The truth in reality never happens.

00:03:10: there are always tiny little improvements every day which leads into transformation when zoom out over the course of several months or even years.

00:03:24: So when we never in reality, never experience are able to experience direct before and after transformation because it's not like I'm thinking about Pokemon right now... You reach level sixteen and then your pokemon evolves into a second evolution.

00:03:44: It indicates that there is no slow growth, right?

00:03:47: Not like with humans we don't grow.

00:03:48: Like boom!

00:03:49: We evolve two times...like when a child and then we're grown up..we don't evolve just AB but it's like gradual transformation every day And you see that in your siblings or some friends When they are growing up.

00:04:06: You haven't seen them for awhile yet.

00:04:08: Then you can see the difference.

00:04:09: But if you see them everyday than you won't notice the little bit of growth.

00:04:15: And this is literally then the only way to feel good enough as being okay and celebrating these little steps in between.

00:04:26: I'm feeling like, OK what am i grateful for today?

00:04:31: What little thing did they do today where I showed up for myself which went into the right direction... ...and just noticing a building of awareness on our own brains Where my mind always telling me As soon as achieve something it's not good enough.

00:04:46: Is that my tendency?

00:04:49: Last year, I created a daily recap for me to go through some questions.

00:04:54: To reflect on the day and then close my laptop and finish work.

00:05:00: There's always one of these questions which help so much And it is if today would be The Day Of A Friend Like...A friend of you Would have lived the day you live Today.

00:05:15: It's a little bit complicated.

00:05:18: What would you say to them?

00:05:20: And it helps me so much zoom out and be like, man!

00:05:23: You did this... ...you do that.. That is so cool Like all these small steps towards what we want.

00:05:29: If you do this every day for the next three to six months, You're gonna be so far.

00:05:33: It's amazing But when I don't ask myself a question my initial response is always Damn it like there's... Like i'm just focusing on.

00:05:41: This still hasn't been done..This Still Hasn't Been Done.

00:05:43: There Is Still That To Do.

00:05:44: Oh My God!

00:05:45: I Wanted To Do So Much More Today And Its Amazing How The Practice Of Thinking About Your Day As A Friends' Day Helps Me So much.

00:05:56: Give Myself Little bit more Self-laugh grace on the days I'm living and it actually helps a lot.

00:06:03: That would encourage you to try that, ask yourself at the end of day if your best friend will have lived their own life?

00:06:14: Would they be successful

00:06:15: today?".

00:06:16: It's so much easier for someone else but then we can bring them back ourselves and say oh my god maybe there was enough.

00:06:30: really comes down to celebrating these little wins in between and also ultimately when we think about Limiting beliefs or believes who have about ourselves right the belief of I'm not good enough.

00:06:45: I'm Not Enough.

00:06:46: The initial response like I did on my twenties is to throw a lot of External outcome into the black hole off.

00:06:54: I know good enough And hope that the whole is filled but it isn't bottomless hole which just keep throwing things inside and eventually figure out, man it's never enough.

00:07:06: Like when is it enough?

00:07:07: Damnit!

00:07:07: Maybe I have to pluck the hole or you know just start thinking of okay well like what is a root cause?

00:07:16: how can i feel enough when throwing external thing is not that strategy to do it?

00:07:24: And The only strategy I found was change the belief about yourself.

00:07:29: And one practice is the one I just said, giving like reflecting what you're grateful for or little steps you did towards your big journey to watch a big transformation.

00:07:42: Then another one was to be surrounded by people and ask them do they think about you in their life?

00:07:54: And why are they hanging out with you?

00:07:57: What makes you special in their lives, what kind of feelings do give them.

00:08:01: That really helps also sometimes to shift the focus back to YOU!

00:08:07: Oftentimes we only focused on what's not working.

00:08:10: and well... We're not good enough especially when this is a core belief just having other people telling us all these things where we contribute already And we have that reminder.

00:08:26: We're writing a love letter to ourself and remind ourselves in these ways where are already enough, it's just about shifting perspective of like the reality didn't change right?

00:08:38: It is just a perspective shift when you do that often consistently enough with building new evidence that belief or good enough might not be true but actually maybe eventually Closer to good enough.

00:08:55: And yeah, with that comes all kinds of healthy change That we're not self-abandoning so much anymore We are respecting our own boundaries.

00:09:06: is more self love or self respect and More showing up too?

00:09:11: Yeah for ourselves in general and then because we show them up for ourselves also showing up for the people around us.

00:09:18: I would be interested in what you think about it.

00:09:20: Let me know the comments or write me a DM and thank you so much until next time!